As Barry's season of coaching winds down, he is still geared up for March madness. I have my own March madness (of sorts). While he is coaching, I am continually keeping us going at home and it catches up with me. Shouldn't I be wanting to get down to spring clean? All I want to do is get away from the house. Its a bit confining during the winter season and now I just don't want to be around the house at all.
Today at school we celebrated Read Across America (we have fun events all week). I would actually rather be in my classroom right now than my home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I am proud of Barry. I just seem to feel a bit of identity crisis or some psychosis in March!
It doesn't help that we will be nearing the 1-year anniversary of Dan's death. We went to a Jackrabbits game in Brookings on Saturday night and it was FANTASTIC to be gone from here (even if Carson is a less than fun guy to have along for a 2-1/2 hour game). We did that in honor of Dan, who loved to go and watch games there. He always talked of them and we never made it to one WITH him. No regrets, though, I know he was with us in spirit!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tonsilectomy and Adnoidectomy
Carson has been down for the count since Monday morning. This is hard for me. My usually beyond energetic 3-yr-old is sitting on the couch and all he wants to do is watch TV. He was so brave and I was so proud of him at the surgical center in Watertown, SD. A new teddy bear was given to him by us and he named the bear "Huntley" for the dachsund in Curious George shows.
This has given me time to organize more of the house we are renting and put away Christmas stuff. I am still not accomplishing all that I'd like, but I feel good in what is done anyway.
We are planning a quiet week. Carissa was fortunate to visit her dear friend Jaedyn in Willmar since Sunday evening. She will return today and go later on to friend Paige's for a sleepover tonight. I am thankful she has made and kept friends! On Friday, her best friend Addi will come visit us in Madison from Willmar.
I wanted to show you a new online scrapbooking tool I have found to love!
This has given me time to organize more of the house we are renting and put away Christmas stuff. I am still not accomplishing all that I'd like, but I feel good in what is done anyway.
We are planning a quiet week. Carissa was fortunate to visit her dear friend Jaedyn in Willmar since Sunday evening. She will return today and go later on to friend Paige's for a sleepover tonight. I am thankful she has made and kept friends! On Friday, her best friend Addi will come visit us in Madison from Willmar.
I wanted to show you a new online scrapbooking tool I have found to love!
 |
 |
| Make a Smilebox scrapbook |
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Three-Year-Old Perspective
I have been touched to the innermost part of my being tonight. As I was lying beside Carson, settling him in for a long-winter's nap, he said he wanted to pray for me. Nothing can touch the mom's soul as her child wanting to pray for her. It was so heartfelt, too. He asked for me to stay "helfy" and to grow "big and strong." Then he said he loved me so much and said "I'm done."
After a few minutes of necessary snuggling, he said, "I want to build you a special present." I said, "Oh yeah? What would you like to get me?" His reply was, "A big strong table I will make for you." How intricate and detailed his small thoughts are already. I love that personality coming out of his toddler head.
After a few minutes of necessary snuggling, he said, "I want to build you a special present." I said, "Oh yeah? What would you like to get me?" His reply was, "A big strong table I will make for you." How intricate and detailed his small thoughts are already. I love that personality coming out of his toddler head.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
First Piano Recital
Carissa was all excited for her first piano recital. She memorized her piece, Up on the Housetop, and looked lovely in her silver sparkly skirt and red shirt with black flowers. The recital was held at MMN Elementary in the old band room, which has nice acoustics.
Grandma came with Carson after school and we went to sit down. Carson was in rare form and he was pointing his fingers at all of Carissa's friends and saying "bzzzz." I was concerned. The first few pieces were done and Carissa's performance came up. She was ready and very poised. Suddenly, her brother decided run and sit down to play along with her.
I knew I would REALLY ruin the moment if I went up to grab him, as he would react loudly. Carissa kept right on playing quite well, despite the obvious distraction. Her piano teacher went up to him and asked him to sit, and she was able to do a repeat...flawless performance.
Being a mother can be mortifying. Other mothers understand when you are in such life dilemmas and moments pass quickly. However, I am hoping Carissa recovers from her first recital nightmare.
Grandma came with Carson after school and we went to sit down. Carson was in rare form and he was pointing his fingers at all of Carissa's friends and saying "bzzzz." I was concerned. The first few pieces were done and Carissa's performance came up. She was ready and very poised. Suddenly, her brother decided run and sit down to play along with her.
I knew I would REALLY ruin the moment if I went up to grab him, as he would react loudly. Carissa kept right on playing quite well, despite the obvious distraction. Her piano teacher went up to him and asked him to sit, and she was able to do a repeat...flawless performance.
Being a mother can be mortifying. Other mothers understand when you are in such life dilemmas and moments pass quickly. However, I am hoping Carissa recovers from her first recital nightmare.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Seasons
As the fall leaves are off the trees and we have made sure the gutters are cleaned out, my soul is saddened. I love autumn and the crisp air with hints of fire burning. Only problem is, next comes winter. Winter (to me) is cold inside and out. I need wool sweaters and fireplaces to keep me cozy. I want hot drinks and soup! Winter (to me) is ominous and I can't wait for Spring's arrival...it never comes in Minnesota fast enough.
Perhaps this is similar to my soul...it has been in winter since Dan passed away. I continually feel sad that he is not around to tell us stories and build relationships with my children. Daily there seems to be reminders that he is not with us anymore on earth. Yesterday my mother -in-law developed pictures from her camera. The last picture she took of Dan was developed from her camera. It was a snapshot of him holding Carson; they were enveloped in an embrace with their heads touching. Tears flowed steadily for me all day yesterday and even as I write this.
Life's seasons are much the same as the earth's seasons. I long for spring again in my soul. I cry out to God to help me know the joy I once had. There have been so many changes for us as a family in such a short time. Most of it was not our desire...it was what God ordained. This is where my faith can get messy. I want to know the wisdom of God's allowance for all of these changes. Faith requires trust and I need to release those questions and believe God will bring spring again to my soul.
Perhaps this is similar to my soul...it has been in winter since Dan passed away. I continually feel sad that he is not around to tell us stories and build relationships with my children. Daily there seems to be reminders that he is not with us anymore on earth. Yesterday my mother -in-law developed pictures from her camera. The last picture she took of Dan was developed from her camera. It was a snapshot of him holding Carson; they were enveloped in an embrace with their heads touching. Tears flowed steadily for me all day yesterday and even as I write this.
Life's seasons are much the same as the earth's seasons. I long for spring again in my soul. I cry out to God to help me know the joy I once had. There have been so many changes for us as a family in such a short time. Most of it was not our desire...it was what God ordained. This is where my faith can get messy. I want to know the wisdom of God's allowance for all of these changes. Faith requires trust and I need to release those questions and believe God will bring spring again to my soul.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
All Saints Day
November 1st is called 'All Saints Day.' In Madison, MN, it is a time to honor those who have passed away. They intentionally HONOR. It began with my mother-in-law receiving a letter saying there would be a special service at Faith Lutheran to honor Dan and others who passed away this past year.
On Sunday night, I accompanied my mother-in-law to a separate dinner for supporting those who will be going into the Thanksgiving/Christmas season without a loved one for the first time sponsored by the funeral home staff. Candles were lit and fragrant of mulled cider, soft lights and holly berries adorned the tables. A lovely reception dinner with salad, ham, potatoes, carrots and a homemade dinner roll were served. Following was a beautiful program with pastors from around the area providing support, prayer, meditation, and singing. At the end, each person in attendance was given a candle while the name of the loved one was announced. Tears flowed steadily.
Sometimes I find life to be so unfair, which its supposed to be! I don't like to mourn. Its embarrassing. Its humbling. Grief is a necessary evil and only those who experience it know its confusion of emotions.
My grief is hard to describe. I miss that I no longer have any earthly fathers to depend upon. I miss that my children will not have grandfathers to make them feel loved and special. Oh yes, their grandmothers are amazing...but not the same as grandpas! It irritates me at times to see those who have fathers and grandpas taking them for granted! I did the same thing! How did I know they would both be gone from my life before I reached 40 years old?
Wrap Scripture around me like a blanket. Help me to understand that, as the psalmist wrote, "joy comes in the morning." I don't know when I will fully feel that again but I look forward to it!
On Sunday night, I accompanied my mother-in-law to a separate dinner for supporting those who will be going into the Thanksgiving/Christmas season without a loved one for the first time sponsored by the funeral home staff. Candles were lit and fragrant of mulled cider, soft lights and holly berries adorned the tables. A lovely reception dinner with salad, ham, potatoes, carrots and a homemade dinner roll were served. Following was a beautiful program with pastors from around the area providing support, prayer, meditation, and singing. At the end, each person in attendance was given a candle while the name of the loved one was announced. Tears flowed steadily.
Sometimes I find life to be so unfair, which its supposed to be! I don't like to mourn. Its embarrassing. Its humbling. Grief is a necessary evil and only those who experience it know its confusion of emotions.
My grief is hard to describe. I miss that I no longer have any earthly fathers to depend upon. I miss that my children will not have grandfathers to make them feel loved and special. Oh yes, their grandmothers are amazing...but not the same as grandpas! It irritates me at times to see those who have fathers and grandpas taking them for granted! I did the same thing! How did I know they would both be gone from my life before I reached 40 years old?
Wrap Scripture around me like a blanket. Help me to understand that, as the psalmist wrote, "joy comes in the morning." I don't know when I will fully feel that again but I look forward to it!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
