Seasons

As the fall leaves are off the trees and we have made sure the gutters are cleaned out, my soul is saddened. I love autumn and the crisp air with hints of fire burning. Only problem is, next comes winter. Winter (to me) is cold inside and out. I need wool sweaters and fireplaces to keep me cozy. I want hot drinks and soup! Winter (to me) is ominous and I can't wait for Spring's arrival...it never comes in Minnesota fast enough.

Perhaps this is similar to my soul...it has been in winter since Dan passed away. I continually feel sad that he is not around to tell us stories and build relationships with my children. Daily there seems to be reminders that he is not with us anymore on earth. Yesterday my mother -in-law developed pictures from her camera. The last picture she took of Dan was developed from her camera. It was a snapshot of him holding Carson; they were enveloped in an embrace with their heads touching. Tears flowed steadily for me all day yesterday and even as I write this.

Life's seasons are much the same as the earth's seasons. I long for spring again in my soul. I cry out to God to help me know the joy I once had. There have been so many changes for us as a family in such a short time. Most of it was not our desire...it was what God ordained. This is where my faith can get messy. I want to know the wisdom of God's allowance for all of these changes. Faith requires trust and I need to release those questions and believe God will bring spring again to my soul.